You don't have the Strength to be a Celebrity

re: the random acts of Usher's ex-wife Tameka against bloggers

personally i think that all “celebrity” bloggers, writers, paparazzi, haters, etc. are hustling their way to making money. and though this money isn’t millions, they pride their “work” on sensationalism at the expense of others SANITY! she has the RIGHT to be upset. in the study of journalism, there is a code of ethics to which many bloggers do not subscribe [and plenty journalists are questionable as well]. it behooves any one’s success to be built on the backs of people’s dirty laundry. but because i respect the hustle, it is what it is.

however, when you cross the line of reporting people’s business you cross the line of fair game. why isn’t it appropriate for her to harass anyone who, a seemingly INSIGNIFICANT person who does not know her, her family, or her story, re-create images and experiences that are heart breaking for a her to endure [a PUBLIC divorce] that 90% of this world handles privately you blast for the public to know? for money? ummm did anyone see the movie gossip? cruel intentions? its the price you pay for your glory as a blogger. that’s my 22cents–pull ya balls back out and take the harassment in stride. its what you wanted anyway—attention. this is all about attention. and because a person has made mistakes that you wouldn’t know your neighbor has made but because she is a “public figure” she should take it?

now i’m not saying i condone the “temper tantrum” nature of Ms.Raymond. but i do feel that her PUBIC DISGUST AND DISAPPROVAL has the right to be displayed. mostly because, she is responsible for the success of 5 men–her sons–and instead of respecting her RIGHT TO PRIVACY, she has to not only deal with the public gossip that can affect her sons, she has to consider how they will be affected in the long run. and you join the many who’s opinion doesn’t matter because if it were you, you wouldn’t be strong enough to handle the criticism.




peace - pt 2

betwixt two strangers a leap of faith a failed embrace
a missed opportunity regret for two lifetimes
becuz of one line
with few words that were absurd
and inserted betwixt space, time,
and desperate opportunity to appeal
yet you revealed the scar of times past
of wasted sand in this hourglass
racing against the biological clock of this conflicted soul within a species
with foretold regret and little discernment
how you beat me constantly with anticipation
and the lines of elation define my face yet the wrinkles of disgrace are not far behind
i listen
oh have mercy My child
and rest and peace be still
be - still
let the shells of peace shoot out
and shred the insides of doubt
that delight in the seedy underbellies of your misplaced intention
and though their clock may tick
on and on and
not one second will you have in the mind youw wish to control
so with calm measure and graceful disposition have mercy My child
be gentle, meek, and mild with those i have surrounded
because life comes one second at a time
and with few words
you can injure the multifacets of design
it has been promised in due season
that your love will appear without rhyme or reason
and you will be gracious and honorable and set high on the stool
where these few words will plant seeds and reap fields
and peace
be - still


be still - pt 1

in few words or less
i was put to this mind test
to determine if i was ready
once again
i jumped the broom
with impatience my bridegroom
whom has this heart swooned
by the epiphanic sounds of love
murmurs and whispers deter even the hardest
and the slightest move
can push me head first into darkness
where light shines
i told u the truth
the first one to know in awhile
and you were beneath my expectation
but i met you where you were
and you still played me like
what did i say? what did i do this time?
is it a crime?
the actions on my mind that plague my heart
no i'm obligated to you by these few words
that for once were absurdly inserted
in epic sound pattern, bytes, and codes
and here
i remain because this stain
how it remains



finally i said it
but like 86
i dead it
i can't believe it
memories still so everpresent
in my mind's eye
i reply to you
as brian echoes i wonder
as i flip through the pages
of subconscious snapshots
i wonder do you catch the flash?
do you see me too
on the other side
like serpent tails in dry places
like germs in familiar spaces
its poisonous
the uncomfortable comfort
of light in darkness
bitterly i smile
remembering the forgotten mile
bitterly i smile


on path

on a life
writer's maze
i see it
staring at her
behind close eyes
i still see its hands
over her very life
the soul that has been sold
the soul that foretold her next steps
her perception of its presence
opens doors for misconceptions
you said he say she said
as you grope the innermost questions
you steal her prayers
in the darkness
you sneak and devour
her dreams
though she sees you
she resists curse
restricting you to the hurst
you had for her
you thought you won
didn't you?
one turn too many
and she despises the lies
that once defined
a compromise


advised reflection

its so cute
to watch you two
who would have thunk
which one knew
i asked how did you know?
was it how she talked?
how he walked?
the way she puffed her hair?
the way his jaw dropped and stared?
did she give you butterflies?
did you like the way she looked at you eye to eye?
did he kiss you first?
did she make twilights burst?
i bet you thought couldn't get her
by the way he talked made you light as a feather
was it her real eyelashes blinking?
was it his vibe that had you thinking?
is this it?
i'll do it all for you
but its too soon to---
so i will make it harder for dude
why is she so rude?
would he look good at 50 nude..?.
is this it?
let me run faster
let me chase longer
let me stop it here
let me see if she will hold me near
when did you know this would be it?
when did you know he was the one?
when did you know she had come?
when did reality sink in?
and on that knee you bent
its the single friend binge
unsure and anxiety
you know they are close
but not sure their proximity
finally you get to advise
on when you knew
you had the prize


Words from a Cynical Lover

words from a cynic---no pun

i think that people have confused the concept of love with the power of emotion. at what point will one begin to relate to an individual to determine if they are capable of accepting the love one has to give? when did just saying i love you become the end all be all? when did a word become the permission slip to the altar or some metaphorical semblance of an altar?

if i could share a few things i have learned about loving another human--you will never get back what you put in until you invest that same time and energy on self development.

God will give us the desires of our heart IF it matches the will He has for our lives [marinate]

just because someone says they love you or they are in love with you does not equate successful relationship. people are here to disappoint you and through that disappointment teach you a lesson.

which therein lies the fundamental point--every experience you have teaches you another facet of love. just because it does not end with horse and carriage does not mean you are not being prepared for something bigger and better.

in my opinion, relationships, unless predetermined and blessed, are not built to last. our assimilation into humanity has taught us to believe that any person could be the one because we are trying to craft our destiny. i think we do ourselves and our innerman a huge injustice by believing that joining two souls can be as simple as circling yes or no or saying i do or saying i love you.

our concept of love is selfish. we want to fall in love but can't stand on our own two feet. we want pretty wings but have dirty nests. saying i love you is not close to the beginning of the battle. until one is able to forgive with no record of wrongdoing, treat others the way they want to be treated, be patient, kind, and humble, then loving someone and loving yourself are just preconcieved notions taught to us when we play house in kindergarten.

more to come....

when i

your name
in the inbox
what do i do?
do i say
no that's not the case
or do i jus sit
and meditate
on how much i miss the
out of you
sudden thoughts of you
what you are doing
with who
what, when, and where
why without me
and how could you make it
when i hear
when i see
when i smell
cool water
when i
when i
when i
let's just say
i do


victory complex

i feel out of place
like u kicked me out
from a space where
whole dividends erased
just one mistake
spiraling out of control
because i know
out of one, many
lies told to hide
hearts to break
records that scratch
memories that surface
curses to be broken
lives to be taken
souls that are forsaken
by enemies unseen
who play spades with dreams
aiming to succeed
at the ultimate failure
though they are long forgotten
by Divine intervention
His only begotten
i have received permission
to make a better decision
that will complete the mission
of the premeditated vision
to win the ultimate fixed fight
and delight in your fright
when He comes into sight
yet it may be night
the sun shines brightest at daylight



air stretched
two friendsly souls
under one substance
mind control
higher powers respect
the certain times and hours
retreat is but defeat
i stand forever a fighter
to the end to the death
and though i come in peace
i quickly breathe relief
didn't want the cream cheese
to be heated over beef
i quietly take a seat
amidst the night burnt streets
taking a silent oath
and a prayer for the best
in His will
by His bill
it can't kill
unless it causes hot frills
thinking its just chill
but deal or no deal
know I rehearsed the drill
just to be grilled
please ask me one question sir
please ask me
yes i did say sir
my bad, what do you prefer?
oh! you didn't think i had a tight grip
didn't know my lip was so flip
please pardon just proper respect
i guess your "self" settles for less
i may not be a gangsta
is that what they're calling it?
a dangerous negro
when i come in
you won't know what to call it
i sware i love those bookaholics
servin brains
main entree knowledge
having mind sex
volume by volume
in the main stacks..

ok so a truly random freewrite
hustle and flow? no? maybe?


call of duty

and u saw me
with tear stained cheeks
and stained glass eyes
reaching for the Almighty
the countenance of faith
how i have confessed
night after night
you turn your face
yet with graceful arms
you pick me up in rescue
from the desperados of hate
i thought you would erase me
after every time
yet like fine wine
i am aged with wisdom
gut wrenching
fate twisting
life flashing
emotion grabbing
twists and turns
trial and tribulation
cause obscene deliberations
over my soul
the consistency of faith
i grip both sides of my body
desperately seeking the end
that no longer seems finite
i feel the love of my Creator
laced in every fiber
and i look around
the ground has grounded me
the jubilee of faith


its you

i can tell
by the way you look at me
that i may not be
your original desire
the one that occupies the many
heart story
you may have on a daily basis
reflecting in hindsight
on the
woulda, shoulda, coulda
when i, and i
now i
but i
in the essence of rebellion
a woman scorned
not seeking revenge
yet exacting it upon
unsuspecting p.o.w.'s
victims and products
of the angry black womens movement
i shall not put forth
false lashes
pressed hair
polished nails
bottled figures
masked face
massive wardrobes
high snobiety knockoffs
for your attention
i come starved
unrelentingly imaginative
filled with unconscious dimensions
where our magic happens
where our magic sleeps
where our magic provides
where our magic hangover
inspires translucent imitation
where our magic changes the world
and no one
that's everyone
enjoys every minute
of our apparently silent servitude
in the words of you


but not I

inpsired but not dedicated
smart but not educated
dating but not courting
loving is not a sport and
you but not I
greasy but not fried
sad but not crying over
you but not I
redeemed but not saved
beaten but not slayed
encouraged but not motivated
bitter but not jaded by
you but not I
gave but not yours
closed but not doors
obstacles but not stopped
you but not I
and just when i thought
but not appeased
it was you
but not I



i get off
on intellectual inspiration
enclaves of persuasion
catch my tongue
in rhapsody
and so easily
i fall victim
yet i enjoy the
death in life
for by surprise
i neither stay down
nor get up
i rejoice
in the ruts
and then i laugh
and then i love
and then i live
and then i laugh
sudden mind
bends and twists like
capricorn horns
you adorn me
with tantalizing euphemisms
that i



i need to come back to my center
in my mind
i cannot enter
to a place of peace and quiet
any minute
wars and riots
my heart is losing control
wanting more of that dough
and all i do is complain
it keeps calling my name
thoughts are insance
can't seem to stop or refrain
so i just open my mouth
like bullets
hell just rings out
go faster and faster
keep up all the idle chatter
dudes claiming they had her
chicks getting madder and madder
ain't neva on no spit spit
because my life is nothing but glitz
didn't think i had a real chance
gangstas 2step
we don't dance
nobody knows what i'm about
even keel
i cause some doubt
in my mind
i seem to play
you say go
and i say PAY



He said
"I will be back...
and as a matter of fact
He said it
so I
brought tears
welling one by one
liquid angels
who solidified the words of
the Prophet
now like swarms
words of encouragement
storm the great blue
where doubt intersects possibility
where love intersects passion
where life intersects reality
where peace intersects war
where media intersects society
where I intersects me
is where i found
said "go forth"
and He nudges
"go in authority"
and I know
because everytime He speaks
my body stands
pay attention
back straight
shoulders back



intertwine [poem]

thoughts come
and go
quick at first
then slow
mornings that were inseparable
nights unforgettable
i go
i moan and groan
thinking why me?
that you came
so swift yet slow?
you fed me fast yet slow? and you
loved me...
so no i can't go
i can't depart
although from the start
i knew the conditions of this compromise
because in His eyes
i'm the prize
and though my flesh may come against me
your smile makes me cream
i mean
i mean
i stutter
and though cluttered brain
i still maintain this one refrain
that made me fall
my heart does not cry out for you
any more
because now
i'm logically in lust with my memory
yet my present sensory
is enveloped in the supernatural
backflips in the light
where at once i was revived
and energized
for the road less traveled
leaving this mind baffled
by my heart's heated battle with the natural
stage presence of satan's faithful concubine
and God's chosen angel



life's reality lens

"21 Grams" and "Some Girls"--
"there are so many mysteries happening all the time right under your nose"

we walk around this earth unbeknownst to what lies around the next corner or what will happen in the next second. we are arrogant to think that we are given this life to do as we please and make choices "with or without God." it is perplexing this so called life. the phenomenon and glory is of course in God in all His magnificence [sp]. but even more perplexing is the concept of individuality..the art of the individual in its rarest form.

just think--perhaps we come across 25K people a day. and that is just in passing---walking pass on the street, in the mall, at work, on public transportation, in church...everywhere. yet we truly don't understand what that person is going through. at the point of contact they assume a collective role in the environment and are removed from there own problems or lack thereof. we look people in the eye and they are one of 50 on a train--yet we will never know what they are thinking of us. or where they will walk and who they will kiss or avoid when they move in their life. during the holidays we wear many hats--daughter, aunt, niece, granddaughter, sister, godcousin, oldest, youngest--in a family. but even though you grow up with this family and with all of these people you will be only one to walk a mile in your shoes.

i'm fascinated with this concept. so much so i find myself daydreaming of what life is to the ones i come in contact with throughout the day. talking to my friend on the phone i was watching keyshia cole's sitcom. i find myself talking about celebrities as if i really "life" [i rewrote life because that was what i first typed--freudian slip] like the idea of celebreality. she jokes that i live my life through the celebrities. and i think my infatuation with the mystery of life could be misinterpreted as such however i am more concerned with how one can live an interpretation of their life all the time? that's what celebrity is--and often people get so caught up in that "celebreality" because it consumes them through paparazzi, tabloids, and most of all MONEY. what's even scarier is watching these celebrities get so caught up that they believe they have to "reinvent" their images to keep getting money. how perplexing--modern day double consciousness--when do you take a break if you are always on stage?


Its Only Love... Sade [thank you]

Its Only Love That Gets You Through - Sade

Girl you are rich even with nothing
And you know tenderness comes from pain
It's amazing how you love
And love is kind and love can give
And get no gain

It's down a rugged road you've come
Though you had every reason
You didn't come undone
Somehow you made it to the other side
You didn't suffer in vain

You forgive those who have trespassed against you
And you know tenderness comes from pain
It's amazing how you love
And love is kind and love can give
And love needs no gain

It's down a rugged road you've come
Though you had every reason
You didn't come undone
Somehow you made it to the other side
You didn't suffer in vain

You didn't suffer in vain
You know it's only love
That gets you through
Only love, it's only love
It's only love that gets you through


prodigal revolution #1

Chicago is enduring a heavy microscope following the Blagojevich scandal. people are talking about we are the most corrupt state in the nation. although we know there are few like us, you can't knock the hustle. as the next president ushers in well overdue change, i am refreshed and anxiously nervous. i was asked, if Mr.O played any role in the Blago scandal--or any scandal--would i still admire him? well--i would. here is a black man who encompasses the spirits of America's yesterday and tomorrow's promise. we can't fully mitigate that chicago is that kind of town...if you make it here you can make it anywhere. its a city built on relationships--so there is no doubt in my mind that he is not a "plugged thug." however, i am a believer that Mr. O is an honest man. knowing the state of America, i am positive he wouldn't mess up this soon. and i don't mean to suggest he will because i am HOPEful. i can say that his homecoming after 8 years will be one that is well prepared. there are a lot of toes to step on Mr. O--just know i'm not scared and its plenty more where i come from.